It's a missed connection, a canceled show

Something I do when I have unfettered Internet access and plenty of free time is read Craigslist. I know, that makes me slightly uncool, but the "best of" makes me laugh more often than not, and sometimes I like to shop real estate or look for jobs in more politically progressive cities. But one of my favorite things is reading the "missed connections" section.

I didn't think lots of others did it, but my friend admitted to doing it so I don't feel so alone anymore. Now, I don't read them because I hope against hope that some strapping young man missed a connection with me. They're thoroughly entertaining, though, because someone is always a "vision," particularly if she is the leggy blonde with whom Mr. Connectionless made eye contact as she brushed past him in the cereal aisle of the grocery store. Mr. Connectionless wants to know what color her T-shirt was and what kind of cereal she was reaching for when The Moment happened, you know, just so he can make sure it's actually Ms. Wheaties and not some wacko who thinks he's actually her man.

I also get a chuckle when they're asking for a specific person. The headline is often something to the tune of "Looking for KELLY SMITH. where are you? i miss you?" and the poor girl is, like, the customer service specialist he spoke to when calling to inquire about one of his credit cards. Her voice was angelic. There was something, but he was afraid to act on it.

Actually though, I think it's all in vain. What are the odds that Ms. Wheaties will actually think, "Oh, who was that stunning single man who was trying to decide between name brand and generic raisin bran? Why didn't I talk to him? [Pause as she brightens, realizing there is hope.] Maybe he went looking for me on Craigslist! WHERE IS A COMPUTER?"

I think Mr. Connectionless creates this post in a desperate hope that some lame, single female (do not judge) reads these for giggles, sees his ad and instantly wants to have his children. That seems like greater motivation than actually finding Ms. Wheaties or KELLY SMITH.

I would like to find some statistics on the success of missed connections with the people who actually missed the connection, not the people who wished someone would a miss a connection with them. To be totally honest, it is kind of precious that Mr. Connectionless does this. Maybe he just didn't have the nerve to make a move when it would have mattered, you know? But really, I can't say I would be inspired to go get coffee or have dinner (or any other number of "dates" they suggest) with someone who used Craigslist's missed connections as the way to find me. I think I'd be really creeped out if some stranger tried to find me, period, but that's a different story.

Maybe I would sing a different tune if that actually did happen, but I'm just going to hope and assume it's not.