False alarm

Last time I wrote here, it tricked even me. I planned on getting back in the swing of things and at least writing something occasionally funny or weird or potentially even insightful, but that didn't work out. I don't even blame Twitter anymore; I'm just lazy. I also lose track of topics I think would be good to write about, mostly because they're in the political realm, and sometimes I worry that I come off sounding like an idiot. So I Twitter away and think about things, and that's pretty much that. I also have little interest in coming home to read and write on a computer when I spend all my time at work reading and writing on a computer.

See? That was pretty much it.

It's been so long

Oh blog, ye of great neglect! I have really good intentions all the time to actually write stuff on a regular basis, but by the time I actually sit down to do it, I don't want to anymore. I don't have exciting stories unless I talk about work, and that's something I try to avoid in public forums, and the current events I have something to say about are often no longer that current by the time I get around to the ol' blog.

But I didn't want the entire month of August to go by without posting SOMETHING, so here's this little survey, via Sam. Once upon a time, I had a LiveJournal and that sucker was fulllll of teh surveys. I had a lot of time on my hands.4

1. Where did you go on your first airplane ride?
To L.A. to visit the aforementioned Sam during sophomore year of college. I was a little freaked out, but she held my hand and I was OK.

2. What is your earliest memory?
Uhhhhh hitting my head on a table at preschool and needing stitches. I can't think of anything specific from prior to that. Maybe that's why?

3. What was your second grade teacher's name?
Ms. Bonville. When we had to go to the bathroom she would ask us "Number one or number two?" to keep track of about how long we should be gone (we were wanderers). I once answered "number three!" I was an asshole from an early age (but really, I probably just had to go).

4. What was the last thing you watched on tv?
America's Best Dance Crew. I can't do anything.

5. My uncle once:
I have a few uncles. Ummmm...Harrison once gave me a super cool Skipper doll for Christmas. She had a little toy puppy. I love(d) Barbie.

6. How long was your longest relationship?
A year and a week, as of today.

7. What do you want to be?
Asleep? Not hungry? Thin? Smarter? More well read? Less poor? A better cook? Seriously, this is a really unfair question.

8. What was the last thing you received in the mail?
A bill. Huzzah!

9. If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?
I can only pick one? More education for women.

10. Would you prefer 10 inches of snow or 100 degree weather?
Snooooooooooooow!

11. What is your homepage set to?
A blank screen. My computer doesn't cooperate if it's asked to do something right away. Having an actual homepage would just crash Safari.

12. Last 5 websites you visited:
Gmail, Facebook, Google reader, Twitter, Twitpic

13. Were you a planned baby?
I find it unlikely. It's my understanding there was a cold snap around January/February 1985 in East Tennessee. My BFF's birthday is only two days after mine, and her parents lived just up the hill from mine. It was cold. What do you expect?

14. What do you believe is the meaning of life?
I was going to start writing the "sperm" song from Monty Python's Meaning of Life, but this is a family environment here. Oh wait. That was a joke and I didn't even mean to make it!

15. What bill do you hate paying the most?
All of them? I guess the utilities. Air conditioning should be free because THIS IS FLORIDA.

16. How many schools did you attend through grade twelve?
Just two. Wearwood for K-8, and GP for 9-12.

17. The Cosby Show or The Simpsons?
The Simpsons, for definitely.

18. Three signs summer is here:
It's not January. That's about it.

19. The last time you had your feelings hurt:
Yesterday.

20. Who was your first best friend?
Audrey, when we were in preschool. And then her family moved to Idaho.

I'm poor

Or maybe these Super Bowl tickets are just a teensy bit overpriced.

OK, so I find it unlikely that someone's going to go to the Super Bowl alone, so you'd probably need at least two of these suckers. Stub Hub is totally holding out on us with these deals!

Too bad I don't care about either of the teams in the game. I just felt it necessary to point out that you could buy about 10 Toyota Corollas for that price.

As long as it's not a cuckoo clock

So this weekend I went with The Boy to a work get-together at his boss' house, and everyone who was there has at least one kid, and some of them even brought their baby (or three, in the case of one of his co-workers whose poor wife popped out triplets). It was a little awkward, as The Boy and I neither are married nor have babies. But one of the babies was ultra precious and pretty cool, and we played for a long time. I mean, I pretty much ignored most of the adults and just had fun with the kid.

And last week a co-worker brought his daughter to work, and she's maybe one of the cutest baby I have ever seen and she kept looking over her shoulder and kind of raising her eyebrow at us really skeptically, and it was hilarious/endearing.

And then I looked at this (one of my favorite bloggers' Flickr stream), and now my biological clock is all TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK.

Ugh. This is my life.

Improvements continue...

So today I got two important things: a haircut and new bedding. The hair is great (took off almost six inches — good riddance!) and the bedding is extra-great! I've been a little unhappy with my bedroom because it felt a little dark and not very cozy, but the new stuff brightened it up a little bit. If I can find a cute headboard on the cheap (I'm thinking of just painting the wall behind my bed to avoid hardware, etc.) and some kind of desk, I'll be good to go! Pictures of both:

I had to do the awkward MySpace-mirror picture I hate so much, but the kittens haven't yet figured out how to work the camera, so they couldn't take it for me. Sorry.)
My pretty new bed! The kittens are laying on it as I write this, so I take it they approve. And yes, I sleep with that bear. He will turn 22 years old this year, so we've been together a long time. Don't judge me.

His middle name is Hussein, you know

The other night I was reading a wire story about how Obama and McCain are making semi-nice defending each other to the big attacks and blah blah blah. Anyway, this little gem was part of the story:

At a town-hall event Friday in Minnesota, McCain took the microphone from a woman who said Obama is an Arab. McCain said, "No, ma'am," and he called Obama "a decent, family man."

Because Arabs aren't decent family men? That's right, I forget those things. OK OK, taken out of context, maybe McCain didn't mean it to sound like that — we are, after THE LIBERAL MEDIA (dun dun dunnnnnn).

Also, I'm really having a hard time with people at work who write QCs, e-mails and the like IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS. I DON'T LIKE FEELING LIKE I'M BEING YELLED AT FOR ASKING A QUESTION. Just sayin'.

Oh, and Jorge is recovering well from her broken toe. By recovering well, I mean she's running around with The Wild Eyes and playing with Bess. I think she faked the injury to test my love and to see if I would actually be concerned. She won.

Home improvement

Ah, I finally got a rug for my living room! I still have a long way to go in there in terms of making it cozier, but the rug helps. The kittens seem to enjoy it too, since they were all over it as soon as I laid it down. Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-check it out:

I'm not anti-life, for goodness' sake

This is an interesting little collection of letters to the editor in NYT from Catholics regarding abortion as a political issue. Letters: Abortion — One Issue or the Issue?

Really, I was kind of surprised by what I read. Pleasantly surprised, for the most part. That's all.

Because this should not be confined only to my Twitter

I'm a magician, Spencer, a FURIOUS magician.

Ben Bernanke.

This is one of those things that you'll either love or hate. Me? I sat at my desk choking on my laughter and plan to quote this for at least the next year and a half.

There's no place like home

Lately, I've been really missing Tennessee. I want to go to Nashville more than I want to breathe, and I really miss mountains and, well, I just miss land that isn't flat. I get great gas mileage here, but sometimes I miss having to gear down to make it up a hill. Also, Florida isn't as fully Southern as East TN. Or so I thought.

Jacksonville is close enough to Georgia that we get our share of rednecks, hillbillies and people who speak in terms I can understand. Today, I had to drive out to the ghetto because that's where the nearest Comcast store is located, and on my way out there, I passed a road called Confederate Point. All of a sudden, it was like I was home.

Another good story to do with home (my home here, not so much the ones in Tennessee): I locked myself out of my building last night. I keep three hooks on my living room wall on which I hang my keys, purse, etc., and when I came in I hung up my keys and not my purse. Then when I left, I grabbed my purse from the couch, locked my door on the knob (requiring no key) and went to my car. As soon as I got to my car, I realized I had no keys, and even though I tried, I couldn't break into my apartment or pick the lock. Part of me is glad that I couldn't just push my door open because it doesn't look very secure, but I would have broken the frame and probably the door if I'd gone that route. Comforting. Long story short, my landlord was out of town, but his business partner (whom I'd never met until last night) had keys and came to let me in. Good. I'm getting copies made of my keys ASAP, though, and giving them to Pat or Stef or someone reliable.

Additionally, I had to drive to the Comcast store earlier to get a new power cord for my modem. Why? Because my cats chewed through the other one. I'm surprised I didn't end up with fried kitten at some point, but thankfully I did not. Now if only I can get them to stop snoring, we'll be golden.

Well that explains it

I just took this test for autism and scored a 37. According to the score page, most people with Asperger Syndrome or high functioning autism score about a 35. Hm.

I know that a test from Newsweek doesn't mean I have autism (I mean, I'm 22 years old. Wouldn't someone have caught on by now?), but I AM pretty curious how it's determined. It's possibly very wrong or has just explained my whole life.

But sometimes people just memorize stuff and get uncomfortable in social situations. I guess.

Edit: In what I assume was an effort of consolation, my brother said people with Asperger make me "look like that perky chick that's on TV with Regis." Awww.

Addendum to previous post

A woman is sitting at a table near me talking to a dude about various topics. Here are a few of the things I've heard about this evening and a summary of her comments in parentheses:

Coffee (it gives her the shits, but she likes Frappucinos)
Faking orgasms (she used to with some guy and he TOTALLY realized it)
Asian porn (it's weird; Asian women look funny)
Pornography in general (the women scream like they're getting killed; she doesn't have it in her to scream like that even if it's good)
Pulling hair during sex (there's an art to it [dude chimes in: you've got to twist it around] so that it doesn't really hurt)

I can't keep doing this because I'm really getting upset. I need to go home. And hang out with my cats. BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT NORMAL PEOPLE DO.

(As I was getting ready to post this, the conversation took a horrible, horrible turn that I shan't disclose here because writing makes it too real, but suffice to say this whole talk made me a little bit glad that I'm single.)

UPDATE: OH MY GOD THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT CRAIGSLIST CASUAL ENCOUNTERS SECTION AND HOW THEY'VE RESPONDED TO ADS ON THERE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I BET THAT IS HOW THEY MET

Oh, Sbux

People (not baristas, mind you) at Five Points Starbucks are friendlier even than people in Nashville, and that's tough. But it's an odd friendly, like a please-stop-talking-to-me-I-am-clearly-preoccupied-making-fun-of-
you-in-my-blog kind of friendly. Dude is sitting next to me reading the T-U and New York Times and asking me, "Did you hear about [fill in the blank]?"

I WORK AT A NEWSPAPER YES I PROMISE I HEARD ABOUT IT.

Also, I feel a little funny not preparing to go back to Nashville/VU. Now's about the time I'd be peacing out of Tuesday Morning and spending time "packing" and "getting my stuff together," which means I'd just be spending more time laying on the couch with Kenny and letting my mom feed me.

In other news, I'm getting a neighbor tomorrow and a new stove within a couple weeks, according to my landlord. Hooray! Four fully functional units I can cook on!

Also, I went to the beach this afternoon with Deirdre, et al. The sun wasn't terribly strong, but I laid on my stomach most of the time and the backs of my legs got burned. So I quite literally have a hot ass. Not comfortable, I'm afraid.

Because, yeah, I'll cry in public

The authorities had discovered the rarest and most pitiable of creatures: a feral child.

I found this story linked through Dooce, and sat in my little corner of Starbucks last crying like a fool. Please read it at some point, but maybe wait until the end of the day or something because this is not a story that will necessarily make you happy.

On the completely different topic of newspapers and the Internet (one we all know I am quite fond of), this is one of the dumbest ideas I've heard in a long time. (Linked from Romensko.) I mean, really? Thank heavens the T-U is into Web (mostly), but I can pick out a few people who would think the Inquirer made a brilliant move. Good grief.

Easily annoyed

What's worse than a girl in too-tight pants that give her a uni-butt and muffin tops? A man in too-tight pants that give him a uni-butt and muffin tops.

Gross.

This guy at Starbucks is probably wearing a 28 pair of pants when he should really be in a 34. I'm upset.

This is genius

Best cover I've heard of any song in a very very long time. (Courtesy of my friend in SF, who I think prefers anonymity.)

Pat calls her 'Shitty Kitty'

He also calls her "Jorge Georgio," but that's another story.

She hasn't slept in here for the last couple days, so she might be over whatever it was that was making her do it. I'm still wary of letting her sleep on my pillow, but sooner or later I'll forget she doesn't mind sleeping in her own shit and she'll be back in her spot.

This goes to all my athletes in the struggle

In my state of doing absolutely nothing this evening, I happened across "For Love of the Game" on USA. It's a good movie because it's about sports, and it stars Kevin Costner. I don't know about you, but there is little more I could ask for from a motion picture.

I'm a sucker for any sports movie, even when the plot doesn't actually pivot on anything related to the sport in the movie.
Most sports movies make me cry too. I don't know why, but they're often terribly dramatic. Regardless, I'll watch them all day long.

On that note, I give you my favorite sports movies of all time. (Note: I didn't say best sports movies of all time. I said favorite. This has nothing to do with actual quality.)

10. "A League of Their Own"
9. "Coach Carter"
8. "Angels in the Outfield"
7. "Cool Runnings"
6. "For Love of the Game"
5. "Little Big League"
4. "Remember the Titans"
3. "The Sandlot"
2. "Little Giants"
1. "Love and Basketball"

Honorable mentions: "Air Bud," "Rookie of the Year"
Now take a minute to catch your breath after laughing at me.